Kenny motherfucking Rogers

I believe in a loving god who forgives small fibs when they lead to recreational sex.

You know how it is in small town with not much to do in the evening. So, like Cool Hand Luke you start cutting the heads off of parking meters. Quarters pouring onto the pavement in a staccato waterfall of laundry money, you can either pick up the money or just walk on by.



This is about missed opportunities and no regrets. Sometimes, you have to prioritize your options. Let’s assume the following:






It is four in the morning on a Saturday. Your friends have been sober for an hour or so. A night out at the bars was expensive and unremarkable.

There is a truculent blonde on your friend’s futon. She looks sleepy and pissed off at the world. She is impolite and speaks in monosyllables.

Her friend, the object of your lust, is on the futon next to her. She is wearing an ugly hat that does not distract from her braces. She claims to be twenty-two. She could pass for a mature fifteen.


Those are the facts as you know them. You have two options here:

A- Go home. Go to sleep. Go to work in the afternoon.

B- Try to make the move on the third-cutest girl in AP Biology that you met tonight.

You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away know when to run.

There are various permutations, but those are the basic options. You are not starved for attention from other women. You are a handsome man with a pleasant personality. You have just graduated from college.

There is no excuse for option B. Sometimes, you have to let them go. There will be others. You know how they say, “there are other fish in the sea”? It’s true. There is no need for a feeding frenzy on guppies when you are not hungry. There is no need to gorge yourself when another meal is just around the corner.

Sometimes it’s just catch and release fishing. You meet someone, make their acquaintance, get a number, and that’s it. No obligation. No promises. They were nice, but you don’t need to drive forty-five minutes to see them once in the daylight to know they’re not your speed. So give it up.

Take the compliment and move on.