Watch his face drop, chin on floor. I’m 48.
His eyes look a little like Duncan after a foul as he meets these women. You can see his chin drop a little and his eyes go wide in shock and surprise.
Turns out, the premise of the show was a surprise to the cougars. And now the claws are coming out.
“If they wanna get nasty, we can get nasty.”
“Mark is the man that every woman wants.”
He looks like a scruffy, Australian Matt Dillon. There is no choice here. There’s no way he’s choosing a woman in her forties.
I’m pulling for Jen (48) the cougar and Megan the kitten. Jen has a son who is 25.
One of the women claims to be successful; all she lacks is a man to share her life with. She wants to get married and have a baby. Why are you on a dating show? Will you win and have a loving relationship with a pro tennis player? Will you lose but build some cachet with the “I watch summer reality dating shows” male demographic? If you are successful, why do this? There is no upside to this. It’s too late to break into acting, Ellen Barkin and Demi Moore have the cougar set locked down in Hollywood. Why, cougars, why?
Mark Consuelos uses Crest BrightStrips and a tanning booth to get his smile like that.
Marky P is still waiting for a grand slam in love. All the cougars started making dubious faces when he mentioned that he was a playboy in his introductory video. Then their faces softened when he pulled out the dog.
Why does he bring the dog with him to meet the women? [The dog doesn’t show up for the rest of the show. I guess he just needed some moral support.] Philippoussis’ last relationship was with a woman 10 years his junior. That means she was, at the oldest, 20 years old. There is no hope for our cougars.
Some of the ladies sense that something is up: how’s he going to react to older women?
Oh my, the drama of the descending glass elevator is fantastic. All the cougars are dressed up and packed into a great glass wonkavator on their way to meet their Mark Philippoussis. They’re nervous, he’s nervous, I’m nervous.
He’s about to meet the ladies…
He swallowed SO hard when he heard that she was 40. He’s acting like Ashton Kutcher is gonna jump out at any moment. (Either to punk him or reassure him that older ladies need love too.) Kelli is terrifying; she’s talking about her biological clock, and her neck has been ravaged by age.
And now Mark has gotten his Manning/Duncan face under control. (How can he not know something is up when every woman introduced gives her birth year and age?) HA! The 46 year-old blew him away. And Jen asks him to guess her age. He cannot think of a response, and he stammers out a tentative 37? She just looks at him, and he drops it to 36. Jen is 48. (Although she is possibly one of the best-looking women in the cougar set.)
I cannot WAIT for the eliminations. I’m guessing that he’ll knock out the oldest and youngest first. I mean, 48 years old? She was smoking and drinking before he could hold a racket. He’ll probably eliminate one of the blondes. Somehow blondes fail to age well. Or maybe it’s just these ones.
The incentives for the cougars are entirely different from the kittens. So far, it’s just been kittens, but the producers are making it sound like these 40-somethings are a cacophony of ticking biological clocks. We want husbands and babies. If you’re gonna fuck around, Mr. Australian Tennis Player, we can go back home to our good jobs, children, and dry martinis.
Commercial break… and we’re back.
Finally Marky P has figured out the pattern after four women. They’re all around 40. They are telling this to him explicitly, one after another. How do you not realize this? This show is going to be painful.
I’m waiting for the kittens to introduce themselves as a bunch of Tiffanies, Stephanies, Jennifers, etc. They will stand in stark contrast to the Angelas and Jodies.
He joins the whole team, and he is absolutely terrified. He is out of his element. They accuse him of homosexuality. “Did you at least know we would be women?” He has no idea how to respond. They are at ease and looking a little predatory. “It’s like throwing piranhas in with me.”
Jodie brings out the kids and mentions the divorce. That’s it. Off the team. You’re out. You’ll receive a lovely parting gift: a home air conditioner to deal with the menopausal hot flashes.
Kelli is the cougar to watch, she unsheathed the claws from the get-go. Mark, Kelli, and Jodie are sitting there having a drink and Jodie mentions the kid and divorce. Kelli swoops in with the back-handed compliment: “Can you believe that she’s had a kid and been married? She looks beautiful.” I cannot wait to see what Kelli does later in the game with the younger women.
I can see the women making ad hoc teams to deal with the age competition. Older women wing-manning for their peers.
I really wish that they’d put in random facts about each of the women like in Pop Up Video. Throw up random stats beyond the DOB. I want to see number of children, number of marriages, credit score, annual income, employer, birth control type, and whether or not there’s been any plastic surgery. This would make things WAY more fascinating.
Jayanna swoops in and steals him from Kelli and Jodie. Jayanna is an executive assistant and a student? Studying for her bachelor’s degree? If she didn’t look her age, I’d think she was in the wrong group.
Mark speaks Korean? Of course he does.
Consuelos throws in the twist: One woman will be eliminated tomorrow. And he tells Marky P: test their athletic ability to see who will be able to keep up. He is an adrenaline junkie. Jaynna is afraid of heights… and about to be off the team. Her dramatic swoopage is all for naught.
Meanwhile, they don’t know that… here comes trouble….
The 20s!
I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty excited to see this happen. The kittens are coming in very cocky, they think they can take this on athletic ability alone. Little do they know that there are some wily cougars lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce on their man.
“Hopefully by forty I’m not still dating. It’s pathetic, I think.”
The date is revealed! Everyone involved will be rappelling down the face of a building in downtown Los Angeles. Jayanna is afraid of heights. Maria (42) seems to be down for whatever. She’d make a really cool aunt. Lynn is making threats along the lines of, “If you eliminate me after I do this, I’ll kick your butt.” Jayanna is gonna faint and/or vomit in the face of this challenge.
Oh shit, Maria is going to take Jayanna down. It’s only forty minutes in, and there’s already some pretty serious tension. Jayanna may have faked her fear of heights to get closer to Marky P, and Maria called her on it.
Here’s why I think the kittens are in for a serious competition: the cougars recognize the game, know the rules, know how to break them, and will not hesitate to do whatever it takes to get their man.
At this point, Marky P is making do with what he’s got. He’s picking the best of the cougars, but things will definitely change when he meets the younger women.
The younger women, who have been settling into their hotel room just waiting until they get revealed in the final minutes, are being characterized as childish. They’ve got a hula hoop that they’re playing with. Meanwhile, Jodie (cougar) is doing needlepoint in her hotel room. Jodie, come on.
Jayanna: “I am the one to beat. I’m the best rapper alive, ask about me.”
The eliminations are beginning, and I can barely contain my excitement. I want to see Marky P’s face when he sees the younger women. I want to see the older women get angry and concerned.
So far, the cougars seem like nice ladies. I would not date any of them, however. I might rappel down a building with them, but when nibbling on an earlobe, I don’t want to end up with all the pulled-back neck skin from her first plastic surgery in my mouth. My mother has a friend dating a guy my age. Thirty year age difference. What do they talk about? Does she help him with his taxes and major life decisions?
That said, Jen is kind of hot. So is Maria.
He’s taking out Jodie. She’s out. There’s no way she can compete. She shows her age more than anyone else. Also, she did fucking needlepoint.
Apparently, he’s calling them up individually to tell them that they’re staying. It’s like walking the green mile. He brings up his concerns, then says, “I would like you to stay.” Fuck that rose business, this creates way more suspense and terror.
The axe is about to drop. It’s down to Jodie and Jayanna. And he tells Jodie that, “I see you more as a friend.” Jayanna may actually be the one to beat; he compliments the hell out of her. She was afraid of heights, but she overcame it for him. Maria thinks it was ploy, and it may have been, but it got her to the second round.
The kittens are coming out. They are in glass boxes posing like Charlie’s Angels. And Marky P looks THRILLED.
Next week: the cougars meet the kittens for the first time.
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